and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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