Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
