If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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