My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
