i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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