Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize