This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
