just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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