I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
