U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Someone came in the potted fern
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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