I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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