Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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