don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
