Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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