Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
MIDGETS
????
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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