You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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