dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
two words...techno handjob
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
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