omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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