therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
this boner is exhausting
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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