I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
