Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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