OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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