WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
