Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
