Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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