note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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