i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
