alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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