Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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