your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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