We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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