Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
