what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
