the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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