Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize