Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
