The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
