Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
