My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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