I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
