I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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