mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize