Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
