Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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