That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
