my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
