I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
