Porn is love you can see.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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