Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
There r osticjed everywhere
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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