My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
