I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
