I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
