i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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