Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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