i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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