i just sent this text using only my big toe
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
