I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
