Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
