Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
