either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
