You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
