Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Randomize
