You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
