i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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