"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
