Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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