Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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