Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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