bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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