I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
My ATM looks so different sober.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
