Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
