dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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