Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
