By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I can't turn off my feet"
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
