Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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