I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
